Darkness Becoming
by lirpa
Summary: kinda dark. My take on Tersa's life. maybe overrated, how would I know? For Demona and shanis, I'm following you bravely into this worls


Look everyone, I endevour to write Black Jewels trilogy fic. And lets get the fact that they're not mine and never will be out of the way quick, cause you all knew that anyway. And if you're going to review just to tell me how much my works sucks DON'T BOTHER!!! I know very well how much my work sucks, probably better than you. If you wish to offer constructive critisism then go ahead, but do not review to tell me that you don't like my writing style or that you don't approve of my character choices or you don't like how the story is going. My answer will be simple, I don't give a flying rat's ass. Now if this means that I don't get any reviews that's fine by me, because I know this is what I want this story to be. For ahanis and Demona, and those who have gone before me.  
  
  
Darkness Becoming  
Prolouge  
  
Everyone sees madness as the end. I hate to have to be the one to tell everyone that madnes is not the end, it does not make you any less of a person, whatever some may say. It could be described, perhaps, as your body's, no your mind reaction to something it was simply not ready to learn. Perhaps you like that I mad mad. I am not, now. I will not even try to claim to have never be mad, for I've lived in the Twisted Kingdom far longer than you have been alive. That does notr mean that you can look doen your noses at me an treat me as less. For 1700 years I have allowed it to be so, I will allow it no more. If you wish to know my story, the sit, by the fire, and allow mw a moment to collect my thoughts before I begin, it was after all a very long time ago, and some areas of my life would not make much sense to you. I don't have words for some of the things I've seen, some of the things I've endured, but then perhaps I do not need them. I suppose my story starts long ago and far away as all good fairy stories start, on a very different world that was once very much the same...  
  
  
Chapter 1  
The Meeting That Starteed It All  
  
I suppose the best place to start is the moment I truly knew my life was set on the course that would lead me into the Twisted Kingdom. I could tell you about my childhood, but that would mean nothing to you, a world away and a long time ago does not affect you, does it? Oh I suppose it could affect the way you look at the world, but I am too old to answer the thousand philosophical questions that come with such a change. How I was broken does not really matter, perhaps it set me down the road to the Twisted Kingdom, but it was certainly not what decided my rapid descent into the world I came to know so well, perhaps you might say that it was my world, a world built just for me, that gnawed at my flesh until my bones were bare, but that comes later in the story, and I would not like to ruin it for you.  
  
Truly the beginning and ending of my life cane be summed up in one word: Daemon. When he was born, my little darling, I had a purpose again. I had a reason to remain in the land of the sane, I had something to cling to, to prevent my fall into the Twisted Kingdom. And when he was taken away from me I clung to his dream. When Dorothea dragged him away from and took him off of Hayll I was devastated. My child had been my reason for living, and now she was gooing to pawn him off as her sister's brat. The truth kept me floating above the Twisted Kingdom, the truth kept me sane. I knew, no matter what Dorothea said that Daemon was my son. No matter what lies the bitch told she could not take that away from me. I watched him grow, always from afar. I watched him hate, and hate and hate. I watched him be molded into someone who hated Dorothea with an all consuming passion. I watched hate become part of his life, I watched hate become his reason for living. Yes Daemon has lived for his hate, and for Witch. For as long as I can remember my son has taken the myth of Witch to heart. He's made it his dream, placed all of his hope in her coming. And while I was sane I watched my son's firm belief that Witch wouls come, come and resue him from Dorothea turn into a desperate hope, turn into a fading light. And that is why I wove that Dream Web that sent me crashing so quickly and so harshly into the Twisted Kingdom. I had to give my son the hope to continue living, to continue surviving, until Dreams made Flesh did appear. But nothing turns out quite the way you want it, as you very well know. Oh Witch came, but she was too young, she did not understand. And sometimes when I watch her now I see that she still doesn't understand. And that, that is because she doesn't understand the madness. She's had some horrific things happen in her life, but never the kinds of things that Daemon has seen, or even I have seen. Witch is a child, she was a child at 12 and she was a child at 25, willing herself not to see the truth, to see how her actions would affect those around her. When I emerged from the Twisted Kingdom it was for my son. When I fell headfisrt into the same dark land it was for my son. The monumental things in my life have not been done for am woman who would wield more power than any other member of the Blood, no my actions were never done for Witch. Everything I've done, for 1700 years, has been for my son. When he was born there was a light in my world that I never thought I'd see, my only child, and he was beautiful. He was my everything, he is my everything, and as long as he serves Witch I will continue to support her, but should she ever hurt him again, then she will know exactly what I can do. After all, it's a mother's job to protect her young, is it not? I will protect my son, no matter the cost. If I must once again slip away into the Twisted Kingdom , so be it. As long as it will keep Daemon safe. He has been my only concern for 1700 years, my every care. Do you really think that I would give up 1700 years of my life just to watch his life be ruined in seconds? I will not!  
  
Perhaps the Twisted Kingdom has given me a different perspective upon life, upon living. The Twisted Kingdom has changed my life in ways that you cannot even begin to imagine. It has shown me what is the most important, it has shown me what must be protected at all costs. The Twisted Kingdom has been my guide through countless centuries of existence, and it has left my perseption colored in a different manner than anyone else. I see didfferently, perhaps I do not see more, but surely, I see differently. Daemon has waited 1700 years for Jaenelle, but I, I have waited 1700 years to finally see my son happy. If she can do that I will support her wholeheartedly. Some say that Witch is Dreams made Flesh, and perhaps she is. But to me, to Tersa, the Weaver, the Fool, the mother, my dreams were realized 1700 years ago, when the Darkness gave me a son.  
  
  
Chapter 2  
The Other World  
  
Most people would not say they wanted to visit the Twisted Kingdom, it's not great holiday material, although it is cheap. The thing that gets people I think, is the fact that if you came out, and they rarely do, you don't comeout the same. Some of the Twisted Kingdom comes with you. That's just the way it is. You learn to live with that altered perseption, and sometimes it shows you things that you might not otherwise see. As I said, most people don't want to go for a holiday in the Twisted Kingdom, because most holidays never end, and you wither away and die.  
  
I wanted to go, however. I had been fighting for my sanity since I was broken, and the one person who could have kept me out of the Twisted Kingdom had been permanently taken awya form me. What reason did I ahve to hold myself back. I had told my son that he would see his dream, I had given him what little gifts I could, a renewal of hope and the knowledge that he had a brother. No more would I be Tersa the Weaver or Tersa the Fool. Now I would just be Tersa, in my own little world. Oh, I could still interact with outside world, but it didn't seem quite as real as the world I had built for myslef, nor as peaceful. So I languished in my own little world, and I saw my boy every once in a while, in the end I was alwys drawn back to him. He was the centre, even in the Twisted Kingdom he was the centre of my life. and form the Twisted Kingdom I could see so much more about Witch, the viel had been lifted form my eyes, and for a moment I thought I could give Daemon everything he had ever wanted, but to my suprise, and yes, my chagrin, I couldn't make him understand me. I would tell him over and over again through the years evrything I could see about Witch, and it wouldn't come out right. I couldn't make him understand me. So I withdrew even farther into the Twisted Kingdom, and told teh secrets of the worlds only yo myself, at least I could understand them. I say Daemon less and less frequently as Dorothea sent him to Territories farther and farther away from Hayll. Simetimes it took me longer to find him and I had forgotten what it was that had dragged me half way across Terielle, I thought it so urgent to tell him. As those times became more and more frequent I became more and more disenhearted. I hid myself away in remote parts of the land and only saw people when I wanted to see people. And those times became fewer and fewer. As the years went by I didn't want ot see people, because ordinary, run of the mill, sane people didn't understand what I was trying to tell them. Every once in a while I'd meet someone else who lived in their own Twisted Kingdom and they could understand me, they didn't believe me, but they could understand me. Now only if I could make Daemon see. But I could not, or perhaps, he would not.  
  
At first I enjoyed my time in the Twisted Kingdom, but as the years wore on, I believe that there were seven hundred between my headlong fall into the Kingdom and my slow , ardous climb out of the Kingdom, I just wanted to leave. Only I didn't know how anymore, I had been here for what felt like an etenity, it felt like the only place I had ever known. I even began to believe that Daemon and Witch and Saetan and the rest were just a dream I had dramed in the Twisted Kingdom. I had spent an etenity walking the same grass, seeing the same sites, and I wanted to leave, only very few make it out of the Twisted Kingdom, and if you do things are never the same. It is not as easy to order your thoughts, which may be why this tale seems so disjointed, and it is hard to see the world around you as real, to stop living in the world within youself. There are markers, like a ritual, that you must follow, or you will become utterly lost, surronded by people who have not the time to stop and lend you a helping hand. It becomes so frustrating at times that I just want to retreat inside myself, go back to my own little world. But I have reponsibilities in this world now. I cannot do the things that I need to do in order to save my son, if I cannot even distinguish what is real. Perhaps when I have completed my tasks I can return to my Kingdom. But perhaps I will not want to, perhaps when I have finished what is set before me I will have a son to take care of again. Nothing would bring me greater joy, but I cannot have another child. All my hopes are placed upon daemon's shoulders, althoug he does not know this, nore do I believe he feels them, for they are light and happy hopes and they weigh next to nothing.  
  
Long I spent within the Twisted Kingdom and through it I learned much. I learned the value of all things and I leraned that the people in the Twisted Kingdom are not less, nor are they more, they simply see things in a different way. That is the true lesson of the Twisted Kingdom.  
  
  
Chapter 3  
Dreams made Flesh  
  
I suppose that you want to hear of my journey out of the Twisted Kingdom. Well, all in good time, we are not at that par of the story yet, and things such as these must be told in order. While I was languishing in the Twisted Kingdom, as I have said, by the time I truly wished to come out the road was gone and i could not find it again. But, as I was wasting away in the Kingdom, I met a most extraordinary young girl. she was evrything I had thought she would be. She was Daemon's Dreams made Flesh. I knew then that I must find a way out of this hell of my own making. But I get ahead of myself again, today must not be a very good day for the telling of tales.  
  
Jaenelle was most extraodinary. The first time that I met her I knew who, and what, she was. I knew that my son's dreams had come true, that Witch was here, to set him free. Of course, the next time I saw Daemon I couldn't tell him that, or rather I tried, but I couldn't make him understand, again. I've had many interesting coversations with Jaenelle, both when I was in the Twisted Kingdom, and now, whjen I have left it behind, ot rather, I have tried to leave it behind. I have learned many things about the young woman my son has loved for 1700 years. I now know that she is kind and compassionate, that, like a true Healer, she cares for others before herself. I have learned much about Jaenelle, much that only I know. Things that only I have seen, it's the Twisted Kingdom again, perhaps, it show me the thingsI need to know, things my Daemon wasn't ready for yet. Yes, I have learned much of Jaenelle, through observation, conversation, and others, but the only thing that matters to me is that she loves my son, all the other details are trivial. After all, what need do I have for an Ebony, or rather, now Twilight's Dawn jeweled witch? She can do nothing for me, she cannot give me back my jewels, my true power, she cannot give me back the 1700 years of my life that were stloen from me by Dorothea and her associates. The only use I have for the most powerful witch ever born is to keep my son happy. These others, they don' realize it yet, the don't see that love is far more important than the color of jewel you wear, or even what realm you come from. Pure, true love is hard to find, and my son has found it. I am not going to force him to give it, or her up.  
  
Perhaps, I was never quite fair in my way of looking at Jaenelle. I lokked for wht were the most important characteristics, in my mind, things that would keep Daemon happy. I have never been able to look at her as just a woman, I am constantly reminded of 1700 years of effort and pain, both my own and my son's. I imagine tha it wouls help if I could look at her as just Jaenelle, and I have tried, believe me, but I se Daemon's dreams when I see her, and I am kept wondering if she is the equal of those dreams. I will readily admit that some of my thoughts have not been the most charitable to her, especially after she hurt my boy so, but I am thankful that she dragged me up, kicking and screaming, to the real world. I will be forever thankful that I was allowed to see my son happy and prsperous, doing something that he loved, with the love of his, admittidly long, life. and that thought always makes me wonder, what will he do when she is gone? She is of the races that do not ive 5000 years, she will live barely a hundred before she joins the Darkness, now replete of souls. Perhaps she will make the transition to demon dead, but I believe that will only hurt my boy more, and the last thing I want to see is him hurting. I pains me that there is nothing I can do, for there is nothing that she can dom, the woman wit all the power. The power over my son's heart, power she ahs so carelessly used to manipulate him, and power she has used carelessly, power that has crushed him. and that is a hard thing for any mother to see.  
  
I have accepted that Jaenelle is Dreams made Flesh for the people who have always resided on this plane of so called sanity, but she will never be my dreams. She doesn't even realize that some of us do not worship the ground she walks on. She is so innocent, so guiless, and at the same time so heartless. and the question that has associated itself with Jaenelle has become not what will Daemon do when she dies, but when will she crush his heart next? So used to the adoration of her massesof friends, those I do not begrudge her, I have never felt the need for friends, nor, to be truthful, have I ever really wanted them, they do not stay beside you in times of trouble, and they find out too much about you. However she fails to realize how carelessly she injures others, how carlessly she injures my son, and that I cannot, no that I will not forgive.  
  
Chapter 4  
Life in the Real World  
  
  
It's strange to be back, truthfully. I still marvel at some ordinary, everyday things in the real world, things that never happened in the Twisted Kingdom. I'm thankful to Jaenelle for allowing me to experience life to its fullest again, I really am. Only I won't let her hurt the only child I'll ever have. Broken witches can only have one child, you see, which makes Daemon extra special. some days I sit and remember nothing but how life was in the Twisted Kingdom and compare it to life in Kaleer. Most of my camparasions do actually come out favorable, for Kaleer that is. Only I miss the clearer vision of the Twisted Kingdom, the ease with which I could see the Tangled Webs, read the meanings in the threads. There are days when I miss that more than everything else I've given up for Witch, but we must all make sacrifices I suppose, and that was mine. But life goes on here whether I am happy with it or not. The world does not stop on my whims anymore, I suppose that I had grown used to that, and I miss the feeling of importance that it gives one. But that is small in the big picture, I suppose. I can see nothing in this world, only what my physical eyes wil show me, it was diorienting at first, to have lost what I had begun to call my second sight, to see the magic within everything, the webs within everything, and everybody. To know exactly what you had to do to end their life, to know which thread to cut, only to find yourself boxed in by the insanity of the Twisted Kingdom, taunting you, allowing you to see what you might have, but never allowing you to achieve it. It was one of the most frustrating things about my own little world, no matter how much I changed it, that barrier was always there. No matter how many curses I threw at it, or how far I ran from it ot was always there. That is the worst thing about the Twisted Kingdom, you can see so much, but you are powerless to act upon it. Your dreams are crushed by the constraints your mind has put upon itself. it is like reaching and reaching and reaching and just brushing your hand against the object every time, but not being able to reach out and grab it. That is what truly drives people down into the madness. The knowing what is going to happen, but not being able lto stop, just watch it and then relive it in your mind for days and days and days. It is the worst of all the Twisted Kingdom's horrors by far. But eventually you become so used to seeing these atrocities and being unable to stop them that you stop trying to help those poor innocent people, and then you are lost, because you have lost your soul to the Darkness that is the Twisted Kingdom and there is no way to reclaim it.I know, I almost walked the same path, as did Daemon.  
  
There are things inside the Twisted Kingdom that cannot be explained to people who have not been there, they simply transcend out abilities to put our feelings into words. there is great joy in the Twisted Kingdom, for you are alone, and the world revolves around you. But there is also grear isolation in the Twisted Kingdom, annd you cannot truly reach out to another human being and expect them to understand you, because they will not. Ther are also very negative emotions wrapped up in the Twisted Kingdom, guilt and self recrimination, just to name a couple. after you spend enough time alone you begin to balme yourself for all the problems you watch through your eyes, things you see in time to prevent, but cannot because no one will listen to the crazy person. You also become a lesser member of society. A person who, I am sure, they would kill if they could, for what use are you to Dorothea or Hekatah or Witch? You are of no use to any of these people, they do not see as you do, they do not wish to see as you do, and when you try to help them you are pushed away with scorn. after a while you become paranoid, trusting no one, allowing no one close, letting no one see those secret places hidden deep inside you, those places that keep you alive, and allow you to reatin some sanity even in the Twisted Kingdom. Make no mistake, there is sanity in the Twisted Kingdom, it is just a different kind of sanity, and if you were to loose that you would simply fade into the Twisted Kingdom itself, and be no more as a distinct person. That is true madness, where we all came form, from the Earth and not knowing whether or not we are part of the ground beneath our feet or the tree outside our house.  
  
I suppose I have bored you enough with my tale. I have told you what I needed to tell you. The rest of the tale, I think you would not understand. But then, it is a complicated tale, and inside its pages all is not what it seems. You'd best run along now, I've no moe to tell you and you don't want to sit around and listen to an old lady mutter, takeit from someone who knows. Goodbye, I hope to see you again soon, and until then live your lives to the fullest and avoid the paths leading to the Twitsed Kingdom. It is easy to become lost in such a unhappy place. 


End file.
